This Time I'll Let You Go
by RT4ever
Summary: Very short and complete story of Brenda's departure from PC and Sonny
1. Time to Walk Away

center This Time I'll Let You Go center

Sonny~

I never thought for a moment I'd ever be able to give you up. There was something inside of me each time I tried that knew it wasn't the end. Our lives were at stake, more importantly than mine was all of the times that Iyour life was at stake./I Your life was the most important thing is this world, yet I'd keep risking it for one more kiss, one more look, but I think this time I can let go.

I think I can let go of the only woman to turn my insides to jello, who didn't just turn my insides to jello with that first kiss but with everyone that followed, it never got old, it never became the norm. I think I can let you go. 

I think I can let go of the only woman I would die for; not by taking a bullet, but because she wasn't by my side and I couldn't figure out why I should be living without her. The woman whose arms I spent hours in discussing my dreams, her dreams, our dreams, the one person I could let down all my guards with. The reason I wanted to be legit, the reason I would give it all up, the reason for everything. 

I think I can let you go.

Almost.

I'm almost ready, I know it's coming, but I can't let it end this way. 


	2. Strong and Brave

PC Airfield

When she pulls away from our kiss there are tears in her eyes. I hate how she can do that, I hate how she can feel every drop of emotion so easily, I hate the fact that we've never been two separate entities yet we can't be together. 

"That was the finale wasn't it?" she whispers, her voice trembling with emotion

I smile as I cup her face with my hands and place a small kiss on her forehead. She'd described our first kiss as a prelude, she knew just like I did from that first kiss that there was a long tumultuous journey ahead of us and she knew now that we had finally come to an end. "I'll never not love you. Not for a moment Brenda, it's not that you're in my heart, you are my heart." Our tears mingle, most likely for the last time as I lay my forehead against hers; our eyes searching for validation of everything that we have ever been, ever believed in each other's eyes.

She shakes her head "I'm not ready for it to be over."

"You have another life to live, as wife, mommy, everything you ever wanted."

She looks up at me puzzled, "But not you."

"I'll always be there Bren, in your heart or by your side when you really need me."

"There are so many things I never said, so many dreams we never got to live."

"You'll have other dreams Brenda, ones that will make this pale in comparison."

"Don't ever say that, what do we have left? An hour? A few minutes? Seconds? Don't spend them lying to me." her voice has been reduced to a harsh whisper

"You'll be happy" I choke out through the tears, trying to stay strong for her. I I have to believe she'll be happy though, I can't face this without that./I

"Never as happy as I was with you. We weren't two people were we? We still aren't."

I smile down at her, at my other half, her blood gave me life once, but she gave me a reason to live it. "Thank you"

"For what?"

"For reassuring me that everything I've ever believed is real, for giving me a reason for living, for giving me more joy than I ever had any right to."

"You deserve all the happiness in the world." she brushes my cheek with her hand.

"I'll have it because you're going to be happy Brenda, you're going to have everything I ever dreamed of for you."

"Promise me you'll be happy." she needs the same reassurance that I need.

"You're alive Brenda. I don't think I can ever be unhappy again, not over anything as foolish as you not being by my side. You're in this world, you're taking breath, how can I not be happy?"

She laughs as she brushes away her tears "Yea I know that feeling."

"I'm sorry" I can't help but wonder how my foolish pride, my injured emotions allowed me to hurt her like that.

"Don't be, you're right it taught me a lot. I didn't try to break up this marriage did I?"

I smile at her and then I see Jason wave his hand, signaling the plane is ready "It's time to go Brenda."

She stops and stares at me for a moment before saying anything, Iis she trying to memorize every single line, every hair, everything I've been doing since I learned she would be leaving me./I She suddenly seems to be unable to say anything and turns away, ready to leave me, ready to go to him. But then she turns back after a few steps, her cheeks are drenched by the tears "I'm not walking away, I'm not running away, I'm going because I have to. I have never walked away and I don't want you to think that I've started now. I love you more than anything in this world, I have always loved you more than anything, including myself. I need to know that you know that."

I can't do anything but take her in my arms and let the tears engulf us, we're doing what she said we weren't, we are walking away from each other, but we have no choice. We have lives we have to live, trying to stay together would mean death to so many around us before they finally got to us. "I love you," is all I can say

She looks up me through her tears smiling and says "I know" her final kiss is so soft, it feels as if I imagined it.

She starts walking away, but then she turns once more a few feet away and says "I love you" and then turned and walked towards the plane, never turning back again.


	3. I Know

I waited for her plane to take off before I left the airstrip, I almost started to drive to the docks, the farm, to Luke's, to St. Timothy's, but then I realized there was no one single place in this town that truly connected us. Every inch of this town invoked a different memory, some happy, some sad, but everywhere seemed connected to us. In the end I just went home and went out to the balcony where I spent so much time thinking about her when we were apart. 

It seems so impossible how much has happened in the past three days. That hidden room being found of Alcazar's, not Luis, but his brother, Roberto. Realizing that he had taken his brother's identity over three years ago and brainwashed Brenda into forgetting so much. Her forgetting she was married to Luis, that she had their child whom Roberto had convinced her had died, then us realizing they were still alive. Now she was in the air with Jason going to them, leaving me for good this time. 

But remembering her final words will always make me smile, everything she did to make me say I love her the first time. When both of us were so afraid of our feelings, so afraid to say the words that made our deepest fears real. She didn't know I wouldn't let her leave, I didn't know she'd wouldn't leave. Then she said 'I love you,' and I said 'I know,' she was right when she said sometimes you need the words. When I finally said 'I love you' and she said 'I know' I never realized how freeing the words were, how I wanted to say I love you with every breath I took and how I never wanted to stop hearing her say the words back. They're in my memory forever now, I'll never forget how much 3 little words can mean because I can never forget her.


End file.
